Thank Heaven Fasting, E. M. Delafield

I have a huge stack (spanning my bedroom floor to the bottom of the light switch plate) of Virago Modern Classics that I have not yet read. Thank Heaven Fasting is one of those books. I didn't know what to expect as I began to read and that is probably for the best because reading a book about the harsh reality of spinterhood when you are an actual real life spinster can be a difficult experience and I might not have decided to read this one if I had known about the theme.

This book did three things for this spinster:

1. Reminded me how lucky I am to be alive in the modern world and not stuck in Edwardian Britain like Monica (or any number of places in time when my life truly would have had no other option than marriage). For all I might sometimes wish I was married rather than single I do have an education and career of my own choosing and the freedom to make my own choices. And I'm happy! Society at large isn't convinced that something is deeply wrong with me and no one is thinking I should marry Mr. Collins which is who I kept picturing everytime Mr. Pelham entered the scene.



I'm sad this video won't embed but it is an awesome combination of this scene from different versions of Pride & Prejudice.

2. Made me laugh and force Nora to listen to select passages that apply to pairs of spinster sisters:

On Monica's friends, Cecily & Frederica-
"But women who want to get married, and can't, often turn very queer as they grow older."
Monica felt little beads of cold sweat pricking at the roots of her hair.
"Frederica says she doesn't like men."
"Of course," Mrs. Ingram replied impatiently. "They always say that. She'd sing a very different tune if any man ever looked her way." p.155-156

3.Made me a little sad that even though I live in a different time and place some things never change:

"Her eyes grew misty as she tried, vainly, to recapture something of the glamour and excitement that had surrounded her brief, youthful romance. It seemed, actually, to have happened to someone else, for she could not longer revive in herself any spark of the innocent, ignorant confidence in the right of youth to love and happiness that had been hers at the age of eighteen." p.140

I want to read more of E. M. Delafield's books but is seems lots of them are out of print. I'll have to check out the link+ at the library and see what I can find.

"down on your knees, and thank heaven, fasting, for a good man's love" -As You Like It, Act III, Scene 5

Book Snob Review

Fine, I'll Go Online!: The Hollywood Publicist's Guide to Successful Internet Dating

I think that I have convinced myself that the act of reading these dating self-help books will somehow count as me making an effort in the world of dating without me actually having to talk to real, living people. I can tell myself that I am getting out there without even leaving my house. It's a great plan!

I think I just need to get mentally prepared for the thought of actually going online and this book was a very optimistic and realistic guide to trying online dating. I liked Leslie Oren's tips for writing your profile and the tips for the first few emails as well. I just need to baby step my way into actually signing up somewhere.

"I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book.": A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating, Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz was featured prominently in Lori Gottlieb's Marry Him, which I thought was depressingly well done, so I was interested in reading his book. I agree with the title and fortunately I didn't buy it since the library had a copy. Someday I will probably have to give the whole online dating thing a try. It's probably a better idea than /wallowing in my spinsterhood. I did like Katz's attitude and advice.

Single: the Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled, and Independent, Judy Ford

This is a very Louise Hay-ish, positive thinking about life type of book which is what I was looking for. All quotes are from Judy Ford unless otherwise indicated.

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." - Virginia Satir

Wasting energy wishing for something you don't have while ignoring all that you do have is a vicious mental trap. p.24

"Everything that happens to you is your teacher. The secret is to learn to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it." -Polly Berrien Berends

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

"If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself." - Barbara de Angelis

"The happier I have allowed myself to be, the happier my children have become." - William Martin

Most of us don't win the lottery or become "discovered" overnight. Instead, our lives unfold gradually, and those delicate moments set our path in another direction without our even noticing. p. 152

"Be daring, be different, be impractical. Be anything that will assert imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the common place, the slaves of the ordinary." - Sir Cecil Beaton

"If you're saddled by the need to know the outcome before you set out, you limit your possibilities." - Janet Carlson Freed

I liked the Try This sections throughout the book:

~Plan for Valentine's Day-and all holidays, for that matter- well in advance! p.69, p.146
~Eliminate negativity p.41
~Jump into your passion p.192
~Choose a "that's good" attitude p.195
~Don't believe the statistics about age, happiness, and being single. Don't even read them p.205

There is so much more in this book that I want to reread and think about. And I was glad to be reminded of my friend, Louise Hay, as well. I am a believer in all her mantras & affirmations- I just need to remember them and be consistent.

Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, Lori Gottlieb

I read Lori Gottlieb's article in The Atlantic and was intrigued/horrified enough to want to read her book now that its out. And even though I found stretches of it really depressing and sad I agree with her. She's a great writer and has a good sense of humor about herself which I appreciated as well.

The hardest part for me about her theories is that as an LDS singleton I'm not now (and have never been in the position) of turning down potential dates for frivolous reasons. I have not been on a date since college and I graduated 6 years ago. Why? There are literally no LDS guys in my area/age range/etc. It's not me being picky. Its just the reality of the wasteland of the LDS singles scene.

"Somehow, post-Jane Austen, it's become shameful for a woman to admit how lonely she is and how strongly she wants to be part of a traditional family. What kind of educated, sophisticated, modern woman with an active social life has time to be lonely?
You're lonely? Get a life! Get a promotion! Get a hobby! Get a hair cut! You go girl!" p.56

That quote was one that resonated so much with me. I feel like even admitting you want to be married and have children is some kind of shameful secret. It's like admitting that you aren't just perfectly happy & independent, fulfilling all your own needs. I hate that.

Depressing stuff ahead:

"It seemed reasonable to think that the longer I searched, the better the guy I'd end up with. But it's faulty logic... the longer you wait, the less likely you are to find someone better than you've already met." (p.75)

"Hey, you know all those [guys] you weren't attracted to or interested in back in your twenties? Well, guess what- they're still available and some are divorced and you should be more open minded?" (p.76)

"I still hadn't come to terms with the realities of being single and never married at my age. I wasn't ready, on some visceral level, to let go of the idea of being somebody's first and only spouse, of being somebody's The One and having the exclusivity of our own family unit." (p.90)

"Clampitt matches people like this: "Number one," she said, "I look at whether the two people have common relationship goals. Number two, I look at values. Things like independence, family, religion, loyalty. Number three, what are the key qualities this person needs? You get no more than five. Things like, he has to be very intelligent. Number four, I look at shared interests. Interests are great because its bonding and stimulating and fun to share those, but the other things are more important for the long-term. I put shared interests last for that reason." (p.99)

"Marriage is about small acts of kindness that bond you over a lifetime. It's quietly romantic. He makes her tea. She goes to the doctor appointment with him. They listen to each other's daily trivia. They put up with each other's quirks. They're there for each other." (p.228)

I dogeared so many pages of this book. I'm just tired of typing out quotes I liked. I like the message to be more realistic in your dating. But in my own situation I'm still stuck with no one to be realistic about & I'm not sure what the answer is for that. I did like the hopeful tone though, of being able to change your behavior. I liked that the old stand by "definition of insanity= doing the same thing over & over expecting different results" was brought out.

A good book but a depressing one all the same.

Chapbook Entry : Sixpence in Her Shoe

p. 2
...into the hands of women life has dropped its most significant duties.

p.8
On us rests the burden (and the glory) of seeing to it that... a light shines in the window after dark and there is refreshment for body and spirit waiting at the day's end.

p.12
But what, I wonder, has persuaded her that her husband's job took anything less than him?

p.12
It is nerve racking to have to answer the thousand questions of young children. It is more than nerve racking, it is often ulcer producing, to soothe the ruffled feathers of a whimsical employer.

p.13
...been taught the dignity of work

p.20
[a liberal arts education] is a true and precious stone which can glow just as handsomely on a kitchen table as when it is put on exhibition in a jeweler's window or bartered for bread and butter. Learning is a boon, a personal good. It is a light in the mind, a pleasure for the spirit, an object to be enjoyed. It is refreshment, warmth, illumination, a window from which we get a view of the world. To what barbarian plane are we descending when we demand that it serve only the economy?

p.22
see long passage beginning "Surely the ability to enjoy Heine's exquisite melancholy in the original German..."

p.35
The whole duty of a wife is to bolster her husband's self-esteem [and vice-versa]

p.35
Never grant a favor grudgingly. If you are going to grant it anyway, do it wholeheartedly. Otherwise it's not a favor.

p.36
Praise is better than wheat germ for even the least vain of men, and every wife ought to keep a supply in her pocket ready to scatter like manna

p.37
What most barbarously frays the martial rope is two natures pulling two opposite ways

p.38
winning the last word is a dubious victory

p.38
For why should I bother advising any young wife about feeding her man on a diet of pure affection? It is true that husbands, like babies and other people, thrive on love and wither without it. It is the best life preserving medicine in existence. But any woman who can't figure that out for herself will never learn it anyhow.

The Love Child, Edith Olivier

I learned about this book from a favorite book blog, Stuck in a Book. Knowing that it is a Virago Modern Classic as well made me predisposed to like it. It is a short book with hardly any text on each page. I enjoyed reading it but don’t feel the need to read it again. It made me feel a little too sad (in the quesy way not the poignant way). I think I might need a break from stories involving spinsters with rich imaginary lives; a little too close for comfort perhaps.