The Vampire Diaries, L. J. Smith

I heard about this series when I saw a trailer for the upcoming tv show based on the books. I bought them and read them all but I can't say that I would recommend them to anyone. Even someone with a high threshold for formulaic writing, flat characters, and a heavy dose of faux-occult-creepiness oooooOOOOOooooooOOOOOO (imagine that in my best ghost voice) would get tired after a bit. I liked the first book the best and they go downhill from there. I just kept thinking if Elena is so magical and special why can't the fight just end. The solution to every problem is Elena developing a magical new power that if she had just had in the first place would have prevented all the problems. None of the books give any closure to the storylines; just a temporary calming down. There is always a new creepy supernatural danger out there. I really didn't like that it was neverending. After a while it just feels like the author is looking to make money not to tell a story (I think that is author code for "please buy my next book!"). When I read that the most recent volume in the story was written in the wake of Twimania after a near 10 year hiatus I had that hypothesis confirmed. I came incredibly close to not reading the last one. The books do really start to drag but I am pretty compulsive about finishing things that I start reading (especially things that I spent money on).

The Swan Maiden, Jules Watson

My thoughts: I really like the girl on the cover's hair; in fact I'm quite jealous of it seeing as how I have been sporting a short lopsided hairdo this spring. Also Deirdre, the magical Irish Helen of Troy Druid Priestess with great hair can inhabit the bodies of animals, plants, & objects at will. At one point she was a inside a boulder feeling quite tragic and all I could think about was Sylvester and the Magic Pebble... how did William Steig come up with that story and to have Sylvester be a donkey too? I love that book and once spent an entire remedial reading group afternoon with 2nd graders attempting to draw Sylvester instead of attempting to slug our way through more phonics (there is only so much slugging through that a group of late reading 8 year olds can take in one day).

So clearly, I'm not the biggest fan of this book since I spent time while reading to ponder William Steig, but as usual, I still felt compelled to finish it. I did like reading the afterward about the actual mythology the story was based on and it sounds a lot more interesting than the book was. I like how Publishers Weekly summed this one up (a lot more tactfully than I could do it):

"This modern retelling of a tragic Irish myth is rich in well-researched detail but moves too slowly and reverently. Deirdre, a young woman prophesied to bring down the kingdom of Ulster, is torn between druidical mysticism and her love for Naisi, a warrior prince who flees with her to protect her from Ulster's covetous king. Watson (The Song of the North) emphasizes the sensuality suggested in the myth and carefully recreates the culture and people of Iron Age Ireland, but the grandeur and elegance of the original are lost in overwriting, clichéd scenes of passion and an interminable build to the inevitable conclusion." via Amazon

The Accidental Werewolf, Dakota Cassidy

This was fluffy and fun and good to read at the end of a day when a little girl in my class accidentally dumped a container of watered down glitter glue all over me and I got to spend the whole day at school with dried glue covering one side of my pants and into my shoe. Not much else to say.

Outlander, Diana Gabaldon

What can I say about this- Outlander is a book that I love to hate; a book that I end up despising myself for reading (which is not what I'm looking for in recreational reading).

I first read Outlander a few summers ago after seeing it mentioned on a Catholic blog (seriously!). I got it from the library and had no idea what I was getting into (skank-wise and lame-wise) and then bought & read the entire series compusively with that Twilight-esque need to know how things end. The problem is (besides the skank fest) is that the books get more and more ridiculous as the (thousands) of pages keep flying by. In fact, I think Diana Gabaldon is still writing this series as I type this.

I got so angry when the story took a massive turn for the stupid that I gave all my books to Goodwill. Then a year later Outlander popped back into my mind (I'd had a cooling off period I guess) so I rebought a copy. Then the same thing happened again. I was disgusted with myself (and with Diana Gabaldon) and threw the book away. Well guess what I bought over the weekend... my 3rd copy of Outlander.

At least now I have learned my lesson- yes the book is completely lame but I'm not throwing it away! I will not add to Diana Gabaldon's massive royalties. Truly the Outlander series is like Twilight for the middle aged only grosser. Except that deep down I like Twilight and it doesn't make me feel bad about myself (just silly and in touch with my inner 13 year old) which I can't say about Outlander. So for now I will just stow my copy and try to develop more high brow tastes.

Wondrous Strange, Lesley Livingston

I really wanted to love this book. I had high hopes for another Young Adult fairy story after reading Wicked Lovely (which was fabulous) and then the fact that the library didn't have this book so I paid for a hardback copy to read made me even more invested in Wondrous Strange being worth my money.

I think I need to be more cautious with these modern fairy books. I don't have a long history of enjoying supernatural stories. In fact I'm usually weirded out by them like Roger Sutton ("Magic with a k or fairy with an e and I'm outta there."). This one has lots of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" woven into the plot which sounded good but in the end the fairies with an e turned out to be as silly as most people would imagine.

If I hadn't paid money for this book I would have stopped reading. I forced myself to finish but it was a chore. The characters never seemed real, the writing was just ho-hum, and the whole thing just felt like it was trying so hard to be the next squeaky clean sensation with teen girls. Trying way too hard. Say what you will about Stephenie Meyer's writing skills but she had an award winning dream. You just can't fake that.

Perfect Chemistry, Simone Elkeles

This book was exactly like reading a Lifetime television event instead of watching one. I feel slightly less guilty about reading it because (hopefully) my brain had to work a little harder than it would have to just watch it. Basically the story is about some star-crossed lovers in the shape of a Latino gang member and a white cheerleader who are forced to become lab partners and in a shocking plot twist go from hating each other to loving each other. The end.

City of Ashes, Cassandra Clare

Cassandra Clare has completely tapped into the "Stephenie Meyeresque-can't-exactly-identify-what-it-is-but-it's-hypnotic" quality of writing. I know as I am reading it that it is silly but I can't stop reading. The books are really long but you can finish them in a few hours. You feel a compulsion to keep reading. And then as soon as you finish one to immediately go to the store and buy the next one. When I purchased City of Ashes this weekend I told myself there was no way I would buy the last book in the series because it was just released and is only available in hardback and that it would just be wrong to pay hardback prices for this series. But now I'm done and I just want to keep reading. So I know what I'll be shopping for tomorrow morning. At least it's Spring Break and I can read without feeling guilty.

City of Bones, Cassandra Clare

This book was recommended by Stephenie Meyer on her website. I enjoyed it and plan to read the next in the series. It is an entertaining, good to read when you're tired kind of book. It's also pretty silly. More silly in fact than Twilight. This is being posted in the whole "keeping an honest record of every book I read in 2009" thing. Also the book covers in this trilogy are incredibly embarrassing and shiny. I like the shiny part just not the giant torsos so much.

From Dead to Worse, Charlaine Harris

About a year ago I read the books that preceed From Dead to Worse in this series that basically is the mental equivalent of watching television. And I don’t mean PBS or even Animal Planet. It’s right up there with watching the 100 Dumbest Celebrities on the E! channel; so it’s clearly not something to be proud of. And clearly since I’m writing this disclaimer I’m not proud.

But last year I ended up seeing a substitute teacher friend at school reading one of the books and we chatted about them. I see her at the most random times often with months in between. In the interim of our visits I decided I needed to purge my bookshelves and my mind of all things created by Charlaine Harris which my friend did not know. I gave the books to Goodwill only to run into my friend telling me about the newest book. She subbed in my classroom last week and left the book on my desk for me to borrow with a note saying we’d have to talk about it. So I felt compelled to read it. And the best part of this book is the cover art. I enjoyed the glitter. But I am glad to have a friend who is willing to sub in my germy, germy classroom.

Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer

Why did I reread Breaking Dawn after despising it and wishing it had never been published? I have a good excuse. I was sick (thank you again germ incubating first graders) and my brain had reverted to mush. The good news is that I think my shock and horror about all the icky parts (Bella’s pregnancy, Edward biting the baby who I will not type a name for in protest against the name out of Bella’s body, Jacob imprinting on the baby, total letdown of an ending, Bella and Edward being totally detached from their child, etc) wore off in the months since I first read the book.

I think because I had been through the creeped out phase and vented to my Twilight reading cousins about it I was able to just read it and enjoy the resolution that Bella and Edward got to be together forever. I ignored everything else and paid attention to the good parts (the wedding, the relief that Bella gets to change into a vampire, Bella beating Emmett arm wrestling, the last page when Bella used her gift to allow Edward into her mind).

So even though I still think the ick outweighs the happy I have to give Stephenie Meyer credit for creating such an intense world for readers to even have such violent opinions about in the first place. In the end, Twilight is still my favorite of the series because to borrow from Caitlin Flanagan on this subject, “It’s …the first book [Twilight] that seemed at long last to rekindle something of the girl-reader in me…never have I had such an intense relationship with books as when I was a young girl. I raged inside them and lived a double emotional life (half real girl, half inhabitant of a distant world).” I think Caitlin says it better than I ever could so I’ll leave it at that.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200812/twilight-vampires

If I Have to Have a Wicked Stepmother, Where's my Prince?, Melissa Kantor

This is one I found at the library and marks my return to young adult literature. During college, I had a children’s literature course with the requirement of reading everyday for 20 minutes (the smug part of me can’t help but remember all of the elementary education majors in the course who were outraged by this requirement. There was no way they had the time to read for 20 minutes and choose their own books. Cruelty!). I loved the project and read (duh) way more than 20 minutes daily in children’s and adolescent literature. It was also what made me think seriously about library science. I would love to be a children’s or youth service librarian someday.

Anyway, I enjoyed this book in a mild way and thought the narrator had a realistic teenage voice. Having grown up in such a normal happy family it is sometimes hard for me to believe that parents can be so horribly oblivious to their childrens’ lives and the parts with the “wicked” stepmother made me feel sad and yet she wasn’t as wicked as many real stepmothers probably are. I was more upset by the narrator’s jerk of a father who fulfilled every afterschool special requirement for a distant father with a new trophy wife who couldn’t be bothered. But in the end the father finally took his daughter’s side and voila! A happy ending all around!

The Host, Stephenie Meyer

I will admit to a resurgence in Twilight related thoughts since watching the movie version of Twilight recently. My excuse? I am a girl. That is enough of an excuse for anyone to get involved with anything written by Stephenie Meyer. I first read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse in 2007 one after another after being at a family reunion surrounded by teenage cousins with their faces shoved into the big black shiny books. I have always had a high tolerance for fluff so I enjoyed all 3 books. Then came Breaking Dawn which for many reasons left me wanting to retch and feeling like a colossal idiot for every getting involved in the first place.

On to The Host then. Many of the aforementioned cousins were now enthusiastically reading this next Stephenie Meyer book. I tried to read it after a desperate late night spree at Barnes and Noble (these happen occasionally when my life is just sucking too much- I will go to Barnes and Noble and buy literally anything. Hardback books that I can’t afford, books available at the library, books with horrible reviews, entire series of books that I know nothing about… I’m just looking for anything to get lost in that doesn’t make my brain have to work too much. These trips are pretty hit or miss. Sometimes I end up with horrible drivel that I can’t force myself to finish but it is also how I finally made an acquaintance with Georgette Heyer). I was sure that The Host was falling into this unreadable category and put it down.

At Christmas, Matilda talked me into reading it again for at least 100 pages. Boredom and the flu (thank you first graders) saw me taking her up on the challenge and what can I say. The Host is no worse Twilight. In some ways it is a very similar story; lovers who are forced apart by supernatural weirdness. I have now been trying unsuccessfully to get Linda and Naomi to read it but they are like me pre-second attempt to read The Host and post reading of Breaking Dawn; completely let down by Stephenie Meyer and won’t budge about The Host. I do appreciate Stephenie Meyer’s ability to tell stories that I can get completely lost in and forget about my current reality. Sometimes that is all I am asking of a book and she definitely doesn’t disappoint on that count.